Chapter #4 ; Number 🔢

                                               NUMBERS 🌿

Hi everyone, and welcome back to my blog for Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson. Just a reminder! This space is where I’ll be keeping track of my thoughts, reactions, and literary observations as I read through the novel.

Let’s dive in with Chapter 4: Numbers.

Response #1: My Personal Reactions

This chapter really hit me in the heart. Reading “Numbers” felt heavier than the others because you can tell Jeanette is starting to realize how alone she really is. 🫨The title itself makes sense, it feels like everything in her life is being counted or measured. How much faith she has, how much she sins, how often she prays. Everything’s being tracked like she can never just be. 🍊

I could feel her pain in this one. She’s stuck between wanting to be true to herself and wanting to make her mom proud. The worst part is that both of those things can’t happen at the same time anymore. Her mom’s version of love feels controlling, while Jeanette’s version of love feels real but forbidden. It’s like she’s fighting a battle she didn’t even ask for. 😔

I related to her confusion a little too. Sometimes it’s hard figuring out where your heart belongs, especially when you’ve grown up believing things that suddenly don’t match how you feel. Watching Jeanette wrestle with her faith and her feelings reminded me how brave it is to stand by your truth, even when everyone else turns their back on you. 💛

Response #2 : Key Literary Elements

Winterson’s writing feels so raw here. The name “Numbers” comes from the Bible, where people wander the desert searching for home, and that’s exactly what Jeanette’s doing in her own way. She’s lost emotionally, trying to find where she belongs after being pushed out. 🌵 

 There’s a lot of symbolism in this chapter. The desert feels like loneliness, and every “number” feels like a judgment being placed on her. Her mom’s world runs on rules and counting sins, but Jeanette’s world is built on feelings that can’t be measured. That contrast hit me, how faith can sometimes feel more like math than love. The imagery also stood out. The way Winterson writes about darkness and light feels like Jeanette’s soul, caught between being who she is and who she’s told to be. You can almost see her losing that innocent glow she had earlier in the book. She’s learning that love doesn’t always come with acceptance, and that’s such a heartbreaking thing to realize. 💔 

 And because the story’s told through Jeanette’s eyes, it makes everything feel so personal. You’re not just reading about her pain, you’re feeling it with her. It’s like seeing the world through the eyes of someone who’s still trying to make sense of why being herself suddenly makes her an outcast. 😔😥

Closing Thoughts

By the end of this chapter, I just wanted to hug Jeanette. 🍊 You can tell she’s exhausted but still holding on. Even when her whole world turns against her, she doesn’t completely lose her faith, she just starts to see it differently. Instead of the strict, punishing faith she was raised with, she starts forming her own version of what faith means. That line, “If I have to choose between you and God, I’ll choose God”, hurt to read. It shows how deep her beliefs run, but also how twisted everything has become. She’s not rejecting love or God; she’s just stuck between both. 😞 

What I love most, though, is how she doesn’t let this chapter break her. She may be scared, but she’s still searching for something real, something kind. And that’s why I think she’s one of the bravest characters I’ve ever read about. 🍊💫

 I’m really looking forward to seeing what happens next, maybe a little more healing, maybe more strength, and hopefully a bit more peace for Jeanette. 💛✨ See you in Chapter 5!